Monday, June 22, 2009

Prayers to Say when Your Dog Dies

There are no prayers to say when your dog dies.

I know because I looked.

I looked because my dog just died.

On an Internet full of everything you could ever want, you’d think there’d be at least one prayer for recently deceased dogs. Prayers for healing, prayers for faith, prayers for rain, prayers for the forgotten dead, Prayers for Bobby, but no prayers for Bailey.

Since there are no prayers to say when your dog dies, I figure I’ll have to write one. I’m no good at this kind of thing, but neither is Family Guy at what its supposed to be doing, but everyone loves it anyway for some reason.

A Prayer to Say When Your Dog Dies (As Long as He was Bailey Frey)

Let us pray.

Dear God, today you took another soul back into your fold; not another lamb, but a lamb herder, though pretty much the only thing he was good at herding were the bits of lunch that fell upon the floor and the dust resting in the small corners of the house.

May Christ, who called you, take you to Himself with your fruity-looking blue and pink chain, and sneak you scraps of His body and blood under the heavily table. May he be at your side until I may one day rejoin him.

Give him eternal rest, oh Lord, and walk him after both breakfast and dinner, lest he urinate on thy Holy carpet.

Bailey, can you hear me? May you have all the things you love the most: Sleeping, cheese, walks, cheese, chicken, and of course, cheese.

Also, please don’t annoy Jesus too much; Mom may have taken your crap, but I think the Almighty has better things to do than give you ice cream after you take a leak.

We love you and miss you.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.


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